Lucky No. 5

Hello friends on the interwebs -
Today is CD7 of baby-makin' attempt #5. It is also the last day of my Femara dosage, aka this month's drug of choice, aka the drug that is going to put a baby in this belly, come hell or high water! Here's some photos of the goods:

Yes, it says not to take this drug if you plan on becoming pregnant. No, this drug is not FDA approved as a fertility/infertility drug. It is conventionally used to treat breast cancer, actually. However, the drug has the (unintended) side effect of causing women to superovulate. Which is why we're using it. Don't worry, it's fine. I swear. But I appreciate your concern.


Also, these bad boys came in the mail today:

These are the syringes and the medicine we use to "trigger" the release of my eggs, hence the name: "trigger shot." The HORRIFYING needles attached to the syringes are only used to draw the medicine into the syringe. The itty-bitty guys above them (a half-inch long and super-thin) are the ones we use to inject me. It's really not so bad, but again, I appreciate your concern.

That's our cat, Frankie. She has nothing to do with this blog entry, but isn't she pretty? :)


D and I switched donors AGAIN. We were able to talk to a supervisor at the very expensive sperm bank we are currently using and she was willing to give us the (approximate) number of pregnancies for several different donors. It turns out that the donor we went with last month has only achieved 1-5 pregnancies. Granted, he's only been in the program a year, and maybe he's just not been that popular, but D and I really want to stack the deck in our favor at this point. Knowing he may only have gotten 1 woman pregnant in a year's time was a little worrisome... Luckily, one of the other gentlemen in our "All-Time Top 3" babydaddies has achieved 10-15 pregnancies - and he's only been on the market since November 2008! 10-15 pregnancies in two years sounded mighty good to us, so that's who we are going with for lucky try #5. We're hoping to receive some really *powerful* stuff this time around --> "super" sperm, even.

(Maybe D should wear this costume at the insemination?)

After some back and forth about the ethics of posting our donor's baby photo, I've decided: f*ck it, who cares? You can download it for free on the sperm bank's website, so it's not really a *secret* per se. Anywho, here he is, friends:

Cute, huh? The eyes are totally D. The hair doesn't have D's curl, but we'll keep our fingers crossed. According to the ladies at the bank, grown-up donor resembles Shia Lebeouf. I could live with that.

Emotionally, I feel really, really good about our odds this month. I am actually impatient to get in there and get inseminated already! This is unusual for me; I'm typically dreading it because I'm terrified of the disappointment of getting another BFN. Here's why I/we are feeling so dang good this month:

1. Super-donor's super-sperm.
2. The switch to Femara. The research I have been doing points to a number of women who, although they successfully ovulate on Clomid, will never get pregnant on the drug because of the side effects that make egg implantation difficult, if not impossible. Many of these women go on to get pregnant immediately once they stop taking Clomid or switch to Femara. 
3. We are still reaping the benefits of the HSG. For the 3 months following this procedure a woman's odds of getting pregnant are increased.
4. We would be testing on Xmas. How could we fail?!? Surely the universe is not that cruel.

So there you have it. Now I need to get some work done. 


♥ N

Take Two

Unfortunately, dear readers, I am not sitting here writing this blog post to you "with-child." D and I found out on the 27th that our first attempt at insemination was a bust. I will be honest with you -- the experience was more disappointing than I was expecting it to be. I thought I was mentally prepared for a negative test result (because, really, what is the likelihood of anyone getting preggers the very first time they try?), but apparently I had let some small sliver of hope slip in there somewhere and I was emotional about it not happening for us.


It was a weird couple of days... On one level, I knew that it was not my fault that conception didn't happen - that I didn't do anything wrong - but it was still my body that had failed us. D says it's not a question of "failing," but that's how it felt, subjectively. I am sure my particular feelings have something to do with my perfectionist, control-freak tendencies and the fact that I hate to fail, at anything, ever. (These are not my most charming qualities, mind you.) Please don't misunderstand: I don't mean to be melodramatic about it not happening this first time. It might not happen many, many more times, at which point, I will allow myself to feel justifiably devastated. I just wanted to share my surprise at how emotionally invested I became so quickly, despite my best intentions.


All of that said, D and I are heading into attempt deux. (I will say, one of the better things about this process is that once you find out whether or not it "worked" you are already halfway to trying again, which is nice.) Yesterday we had an ultrasound to check out the size of my follicles (where the eggs are developing, yo) and the doctor saw one "beautiful" follicle that was ready to go, and one other that could possibly release an egg, though it was a tad small/underdeveloped. The "beautiful" follicle looked something like this big, black splotch:

"Beautiful" Follicle

He gave the go-ahead for my hCG shot to be given to me that night between 9-9:30pm. We weren't expecting that - last month there was a 2-day delay between the ultrasound and when I should receive the shot - and, horror of horrors, D was scheduled to work that night! What to do?!?

Like I said in an earlier post, I am phobic when it comes to needles. Still, it had occurred to me that inflicting a needle on myself might be more tolerable than the anticipation of waiting to feel a needle inserted by someone else... I decided to stop being such a ninny and shoot myself up. I drank a margarita, numbed the site with some icecubes, and, with shaking hands/shaking legs, stuck myself in the thigh. Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad. I was immensely pleased with myself.  

We will be inseminating for the second time tomorrow morning, bright and early. I feel good. This time, instead of going shopping for hours and lifting heavy things, I will be taken directly home after the big event and made to lie down for the next 24 hours. All the while, I will be visualizing this (more than slightly creepy) image:

I just realized that I don't think either D or I have explained the entire process of lesbian baby-makin,' as it is happening for us. Here's the low-down of what happens when you are TTC (trying to conceive) with donor sperm given through an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) while on Clomid.


Day 1: first day of period (full-flow)


Day 3: begin taking Clomid - 1 pill a day for the next 5 days (besides making sure you produce an egg/eggs by ramping up your estrogen levels, Clomid will also ensure that you have a chronic background headache, are dizzy/nauseous, are more irritable than usual, and can cry at the drop of a hat) 


Day 12: head to Dr. for vaginal ultrasound (totally unprepared for that!) - you will be able to check out your baby-makin' parts on the big screen. If you're really lucky, like I am, you will also find fun stuff in there that you weren't expecting, like fibroids.


Day 13, 14, or 15: give yourself, or have someone you really trust give to you, an hCG shot to trigger ovulation (9-9:30pm). 


Day 15, 16, or 17: ovulation occurs 36-40 hours after hCG shot. Head to Dr. at hour 36 to inseminate (9-9:30am).


Wait 14 interminable days. 


Take pregnancy test on the 14th day after insemination. Cry or throw a party or both, depending.


Ta-da! That's the bare-bones of it. Here's a website that helped answer many of D and I's questions if you want more info, like I always do:
http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/iui.html


What's problematic, of course, is that I need to check out infertility sites for the best/most comprehensive info on the procedures I am undergoing and I have to go to an infertility clinic in order to have them done. And yet, I am not infertile - at least, we hope not! - I just don't have access to sperm in the same way my hetero peers do. At the same time, I cannot receive the insurance benefits that could potentially be applied to our medical costs if I had a diagnosed infertility issue. I call bullsh*t. And heterosexual privilege.


That's enough for today! Send us your good vibes at about 9am tomorrow -- 8am for you Chicago folks! And send D some text-message love so she feels extra-virile ;)


♥ N

Drugs and needles and sperm, oh my!

It has been a couple of weeks since either of us have updated this blog but, honestly, there hasn't been much to update. Picking the donor and deciding - again - that yes, we do want to do this thing (for-REAL-for-real) has left us in a place where now we wait.

And wait. 

And wait and wait and wait.

I think I am only just beginning to realize how much of this process will be spent... waiting.

In the past few weeks I have taken the requisite blood tests and our repro doctors want to put me on a mild fertility drug called Clomid. My progesterone levels, though high enough to safely assume that my body is ovulating, were slightly lower than what they like. Clomid increases the odds of achieving pregnancy by making extra, EXTRA sure my body produces an egg (or eggs - there is a *slightly* higher chance of twins on the drug) that month. 

While the upside to this is that, barring-unforeseen-difficulties-fingers-crossed, D and I can expect to be pregnant within 3 months, tops, the downside is that my entire cycle is now out of my hands. Taking the Clomid during my period will be followed by an ultrasound to check the development of the eggs (at $356-$499 each time), and THE SHOT ($60 each time) that will force the eggs to *pop.*

I am not naive and I am, generally, opposed to unnecessary medical intervention, but at the cost of $360 for one batch of sperm and $350 for the insemination it makes sense to want to ensure that we are not throwing $710 down the tubes because my body failed to produce the necessary egg that month. You feel me?

Anyways. Today I ordered the drugs and the sperm. It's for-real-for-REAL now. By tomorrow our donor's frozen sperm will be pulled out from storage and kept for us somewhere... else. That was kind of exciting. 

But, truth be told, what was really exciting was hearing that THE SHOT does not need to be injected into my muscle, but is to be injected into my top layer of fat (I have many layers, for the record). 

I DESPISE needles. I get worked up over blood draws days in advance. I became worried when my preggo books informed me that the shot *may* need to be injected into my muscle. Thank goodness that is not the case. Still... I'll make D do it. She'll probably enjoy it ;)


♥ N