Take Two

Unfortunately, dear readers, I am not sitting here writing this blog post to you "with-child." D and I found out on the 27th that our first attempt at insemination was a bust. I will be honest with you -- the experience was more disappointing than I was expecting it to be. I thought I was mentally prepared for a negative test result (because, really, what is the likelihood of anyone getting preggers the very first time they try?), but apparently I had let some small sliver of hope slip in there somewhere and I was emotional about it not happening for us.


It was a weird couple of days... On one level, I knew that it was not my fault that conception didn't happen - that I didn't do anything wrong - but it was still my body that had failed us. D says it's not a question of "failing," but that's how it felt, subjectively. I am sure my particular feelings have something to do with my perfectionist, control-freak tendencies and the fact that I hate to fail, at anything, ever. (These are not my most charming qualities, mind you.) Please don't misunderstand: I don't mean to be melodramatic about it not happening this first time. It might not happen many, many more times, at which point, I will allow myself to feel justifiably devastated. I just wanted to share my surprise at how emotionally invested I became so quickly, despite my best intentions.


All of that said, D and I are heading into attempt deux. (I will say, one of the better things about this process is that once you find out whether or not it "worked" you are already halfway to trying again, which is nice.) Yesterday we had an ultrasound to check out the size of my follicles (where the eggs are developing, yo) and the doctor saw one "beautiful" follicle that was ready to go, and one other that could possibly release an egg, though it was a tad small/underdeveloped. The "beautiful" follicle looked something like this big, black splotch:

"Beautiful" Follicle

He gave the go-ahead for my hCG shot to be given to me that night between 9-9:30pm. We weren't expecting that - last month there was a 2-day delay between the ultrasound and when I should receive the shot - and, horror of horrors, D was scheduled to work that night! What to do?!?

Like I said in an earlier post, I am phobic when it comes to needles. Still, it had occurred to me that inflicting a needle on myself might be more tolerable than the anticipation of waiting to feel a needle inserted by someone else... I decided to stop being such a ninny and shoot myself up. I drank a margarita, numbed the site with some icecubes, and, with shaking hands/shaking legs, stuck myself in the thigh. Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad. I was immensely pleased with myself.  

We will be inseminating for the second time tomorrow morning, bright and early. I feel good. This time, instead of going shopping for hours and lifting heavy things, I will be taken directly home after the big event and made to lie down for the next 24 hours. All the while, I will be visualizing this (more than slightly creepy) image:

I just realized that I don't think either D or I have explained the entire process of lesbian baby-makin,' as it is happening for us. Here's the low-down of what happens when you are TTC (trying to conceive) with donor sperm given through an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) while on Clomid.


Day 1: first day of period (full-flow)


Day 3: begin taking Clomid - 1 pill a day for the next 5 days (besides making sure you produce an egg/eggs by ramping up your estrogen levels, Clomid will also ensure that you have a chronic background headache, are dizzy/nauseous, are more irritable than usual, and can cry at the drop of a hat) 


Day 12: head to Dr. for vaginal ultrasound (totally unprepared for that!) - you will be able to check out your baby-makin' parts on the big screen. If you're really lucky, like I am, you will also find fun stuff in there that you weren't expecting, like fibroids.


Day 13, 14, or 15: give yourself, or have someone you really trust give to you, an hCG shot to trigger ovulation (9-9:30pm). 


Day 15, 16, or 17: ovulation occurs 36-40 hours after hCG shot. Head to Dr. at hour 36 to inseminate (9-9:30am).


Wait 14 interminable days. 


Take pregnancy test on the 14th day after insemination. Cry or throw a party or both, depending.


Ta-da! That's the bare-bones of it. Here's a website that helped answer many of D and I's questions if you want more info, like I always do:
http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/iui.html


What's problematic, of course, is that I need to check out infertility sites for the best/most comprehensive info on the procedures I am undergoing and I have to go to an infertility clinic in order to have them done. And yet, I am not infertile - at least, we hope not! - I just don't have access to sperm in the same way my hetero peers do. At the same time, I cannot receive the insurance benefits that could potentially be applied to our medical costs if I had a diagnosed infertility issue. I call bullsh*t. And heterosexual privilege.


That's enough for today! Send us your good vibes at about 9am tomorrow -- 8am for you Chicago folks! And send D some text-message love so she feels extra-virile ;)


♥ N