BFN on Sunday (we tested early).
Period today.
Heart.
Broken.
We will not be moving forward with me/my body.
I will not be the birth mother of this baby.
I...
... I am grieving, I think. I'm not *quite* sure what mourning and grief are like because I have been lucky enough not to lose anyone close to me at this point in my life, but I think it *must* feel like this. Like a loss so profound you cannot see your way around it - your way through it - you cannot see anything at all. The empty space, the black hole, of this loss has blotted out my horizon. I know there is a life and love and prob even a baby in my future, but right now, I cannot *see* it.
If/when I have processed this more, I will try to write more. I'm not sure when that will be.
... N
Oh, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. This blows. Take the time you need--this is a big thing to have to process, and a painful one. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteOh no. I am also so, so sorry. Big, long bear hugs to you. You're in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSo So sorry that you are having to deal with this. Keeping you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeletenikki, dana, so sorry this is happening. but hang in there, spiritually. life is full of surprises. you're in my prayers, beautiful girls.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Nikki. Sending big hugs to you and D.
ReplyDeleteWell shit. I am SO sorry you have a big black hole of loss and grief blotting out your horizon. I wish I didn't know how that felt, but I do. I know for a fact that you have love, life AND a baby in your future. I can see it and I'll keeping watching it until you can see it, too. Until then my support and sympathy is with your family.
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
ReplyDeletetake the time you need to be there for yourself.
Just found your blog. I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN. :( *Hugs*
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