Drugs and needles and sperm, oh my!

It has been a couple of weeks since either of us have updated this blog but, honestly, there hasn't been much to update. Picking the donor and deciding - again - that yes, we do want to do this thing (for-REAL-for-real) has left us in a place where now we wait.

And wait. 

And wait and wait and wait.

I think I am only just beginning to realize how much of this process will be spent... waiting.

In the past few weeks I have taken the requisite blood tests and our repro doctors want to put me on a mild fertility drug called Clomid. My progesterone levels, though high enough to safely assume that my body is ovulating, were slightly lower than what they like. Clomid increases the odds of achieving pregnancy by making extra, EXTRA sure my body produces an egg (or eggs - there is a *slightly* higher chance of twins on the drug) that month. 

While the upside to this is that, barring-unforeseen-difficulties-fingers-crossed, D and I can expect to be pregnant within 3 months, tops, the downside is that my entire cycle is now out of my hands. Taking the Clomid during my period will be followed by an ultrasound to check the development of the eggs (at $356-$499 each time), and THE SHOT ($60 each time) that will force the eggs to *pop.*

I am not naive and I am, generally, opposed to unnecessary medical intervention, but at the cost of $360 for one batch of sperm and $350 for the insemination it makes sense to want to ensure that we are not throwing $710 down the tubes because my body failed to produce the necessary egg that month. You feel me?

Anyways. Today I ordered the drugs and the sperm. It's for-real-for-REAL now. By tomorrow our donor's frozen sperm will be pulled out from storage and kept for us somewhere... else. That was kind of exciting. 

But, truth be told, what was really exciting was hearing that THE SHOT does not need to be injected into my muscle, but is to be injected into my top layer of fat (I have many layers, for the record). 

I DESPISE needles. I get worked up over blood draws days in advance. I became worried when my preggo books informed me that the shot *may* need to be injected into my muscle. Thank goodness that is not the case. Still... I'll make D do it. She'll probably enjoy it ;)


♥ N

Baby-makin' = fun?

At times, I beg to differ. As exciting as this all is, N has never wanted to leave me so badly than a few times over the last couple months due to our baby-makin' bickering. Don't get me wrong, I will gladly take the blame since I tend to freak out over any and every conversation having to do with money. Plan for the baby to come our way? WHAT?!?! ARE YOU INSANE? I MAKE 8.40 AN HOUR! "We need to set money aside..." "Are you insane? The kid isn't even here yet!" "I know..so if we don't have the money now, why are we doing this?" Then, a voice inside my head....shit. She's right. I have no argument. How do you argue with someone who is talking straight facts? You can't!! The only solution is to stop buying so many damn clothes and coffee, set the money aside and shut my pie hole. THAT'S baby-makin'.

On another note, N and I have never been more in love. The sky is a brighter blue, there are shockingly more butterflies and the grass is much, much greener. The children who ruin the books at my bookstore are suddenly much more tolerable, and I seem to enjoy my life a bit more. That, as well, is baby-makin'. Also, due to stress over picking a god damn donor has helped me lose weight. Perfection!!

Speaking of donors, I'm having a hell of a time. The right thing to do is pick the guy who looks most like me. I, of course, want to pick the hottest guy. I'm torn. Hot baby, or baby with similar features? Let's take a step back:

On Wednesday the 16th, N and I had our first baby-makin' doctors appointment. He is incredibly fantastic, supports calm, non-abrasive discussions and wants this all to go as smooth and easy as possible. He's great! Plus he wears one earring. Just the one. It's some hot bling. We heard some great news. This shouldn't be all that hard. When we expressed our need to get preggers within the next year, he seemed as though we had given him much, much more time than he knew what to do with. He seems to think three months, at most, will do the trick. Given the cost of this entire procedure, this was good news. Plus I want to talk to N's tummy as soon as possible and make it listen to Hanson via old school headphones. I think I'll get an LP player for the occasion, so the baby can appreciate the rich, beautiful tone only an LP can provide. Back to money. Each time we try will be about 700 dollars. A five minute procedure costs 350 bucks. Seriously, you ask? Yes, seriously. It's okay. It'll be worth it. I've heard good things about children, so, well, you know. We heard all good news at this appointment, and it put many of our fears to rest. Muy bueno.

So we bought a few pictures of some of the donors we really like. As N spoke of before, we narrowed it down quite a bit. We did a photo match, which means we gave the sperm bank a few photos of me, and they took our top picks and matched me to the one I have the most similar features to. Our favorite guy came in third. We bought the silhouette of the guy who came in first and decided we're not really a fan, so we'll most likely still go with numero tres even though the lab person who compared my features to the donors called him a "sleeper in the race." I can't stop looking at profiles, though. I'm addicted. Not only that, but everywhere I turn I'm literally checking out every guy I see, looking at his features and considering them all potential sperm donors. It's insane!

So, I need to wrap this up. Point is, I'm super excited. I'm thrilled to share this experience with N. She's fantastic and she's going to be a great mom. I love her more than anything and I can't wait to raise a whole entire little person based on our beliefs. I don't want to get ahead of myself, because, as always, there's a good chance this will all go horribly wrong and it'll be just the two of us forever. I'm totally fine with that. I have every belief that N and I are more than enough to entertain each other for the rest of our lives and be very, very happy - just the two of us. However, I think to add a little person with so much cuteness bursting out of it would only make things better.

On a completely different note, I got totally burned while marching in the Pride parade yesterday. It sucks a lot. Also, I saw Justin Bieber 20 times yesterday in the crowd. That boy gets around. I love you all. I actually do...(as this is a selectively shared blog). xoxoxo

D to the Money to the P