Neglectful...so, so neglectful.

We haven't blogged since our 2nd insemination. I know. You don't have to tell me. When we started this project, I failed to realize how resistant I would feel to blogging when there was nothing good, or at least strangely funny, to blog about. I wish no news was good news, but in our case, no news is bad, bad news.

I will fill you in on what has been happening (or not happening) over here in lesbo-baby-makin' land...

Month #2. We inseminate in the janitor's closet at the Dr.'s office and speculate on how the spa-like insemination room must be reserved for first-timers only. On the 8th day after the insem my breasts started to feel weird. Really weird -- like they each had a hot weight inside of them. I almost cried when I had to take my bra off at the end of the day. D insisted they were also bigger/fuller. I concurred. This went on for about 3-4 days, then stopped. My breasts went back to feeling normal and I started having strange cramping; I would cramp and think "oh, I must be getting my period tomorrow" and then... nothing. When my period finally did arrive, it was 5 days late, which was also really unusual. 

I got myself back on track to try again and started taking Clomid. The Dr.'s office wanted me to go ahead and schedule a diagnostic procedure called an HSG as well. The test involves pushing dye through my uterus and fallopian tubes in order to see if I have any blockages that would prevent sperm from meeting egg. I was unsure about whether or not two tries was enough to warrant this procedure, and after I got confirmation from my insurance company that no, they would not pay a dime of the $2000 it would cost, we decided to hold off and give it a few more tries. 

When I went in for the ultrasound appointment, I told our Dr. about what a strange month I had had and he insisted that I had been pregnant - for a minute. For whatever reason, although the egg fertilized and implanted itself (the changes to my breasts could only have happened if the egg had implanted successfully and begun pumping out the massive doses of hormones needed for pregnancy, according to the Dr.), the pregnancy was not viable and ended before it had really begun. This is called a "chemical pregnancy," folks. He took the HSG off the table as an option at that point - he was that confident that sperm and egg could meet. He told us he would like to see us try twice more before we move on to more aggressive, injectable, fertility drugs.  

Month #3. A whole lotta nuthin'. At this point, our dear Dr. changed his tune and wanted us to go ahead and schedule the HSG. The procedure would help him determine if I have additional fibroids that may be preventing pregnancy; we had seen one fibroid hanging out on the outside of my uterus during our ultrasounds, which shouldn't effect my ability to conceive, but perhaps there were more we couldn't see... The nurse told us that she would list the procedure under a non-fertility code so that maybe, just maybe, our insurance would cover it. I went in a few days after my period ended and we saw this:

(Yes, I took a photo on my phone. It's my guts, people! It's cool.) What you see there is dye filling up my uterus, traveling down my fallopian tubes, and *exploding* out of the tubes on either side. What that means is that there are no additional fibroids inside of my uterus and my tubes are clear/unblocked. These are all GOOD THINGS. Or, to put it another way, there is no good goddamn reason that I am not preggers yet. 


The upside to having this procedure done, other than the obvious one of ensuring that I am in working order, is that it actually increases your chances of pregnancy for the next 2-3 months. Clears everything out, I guess, and makes it easier for egg and sperm to do their traveling. Obvs, D and I need all the help we can get.


We made some big changes heading into IUI #4. The biggest of these was changing the sperm donor and the sperm bank it was coming from. Our thinking was: if there is nothing about my body that is preventing pregnancy from occurring, then maybe it's him... 

Or maybe it's this dinky sperm bank we're using because it's close and cheap. They are still using sperm that is over 12 years old and they've always been too curt for my liking. After reading up on some LGBT fertility message boards, D and I decided to go with Cryogenic Labs in Minnesota because of all the info you can get for free - baby photos, silhouettes, and audio interviews. We fell in love with a couple of guys there and D made the final decision. This donor we chose is also an Open ID donor - which means the kid will be able to contact him, if s/he wishes, when s/he turns 18. (Yes, we chose to go this route even after seeing The Kids Are All Right. Of course, I made D promise that she wouldn't sleep with the dude 19 years from now. A girl's gotta cover her bases.)


This sperm is costing us 2x as much cash as the dinky sperm, but I am really, really happy with our decision. Although we discussed using an Open ID donor extensively when we started this process - and decided against it - I had some misgivings about our decision to go with an anonymous donor. I was/am uncomfortable with the idea of making life-changing and irreversible decisions for another human being, and starting our relationship with our child out on that foot felt, well, wrong (I feel similarly about circumcision, fyi).


Altogether, this month we got new sperm from a new bank, we were inseminated in a new room we had never been in before, and we were inseminated by a new doctor. SO MUCH NEWNESS. We are hoping all of these changes will turn our luck around. 1 week down, 1 more to go until testing.


There's more I could say, but I'm exhausted. I promise I won't be as neglectful in the future, friends. 


♥ N

Swim boys, swim!

This was in the insemination room today:

I want one. Can someone make that happen?

This morning was lovely. We woke up around 7am, and were at the Cryobio clinic by 8 to "release" the sperm. Oddly, while I was signing out Mr. LX 2017 there was a gentleman checking in next to me to do the deed. I thought the sperm bank would have a system in place that ensured that never the twain shall meet... I mean, what if I bumped into our donor while I was walking in to sign away his babyjuice? That seems problematic - especially because I would probably chase him out of the building and follow his car home in order to find out every possible bit of information I could about him.

We had an hour to kill before the procedure, so D and I had breakfast at Bob Evans. At 9am we were back at the Dr.'s office, writing them a ridiculously large check (our insurance company finally kicked back all of the bills they were not going to pay for), and being taken to a private room. Now, the first time around, we were placed in a beautiful room with a very contemporary, softly-lit, relaxing ambience. Felt very spa-ish. That must be the "1st Time Only" insemination room because this time we were taken to a hideous room that felt as though the 80's had thrown up all over the walls. However, it did have the really cool sperm timer in it, so I suppose that's something ;)

We did have a couple of good signs this time (we think). 

1. An IUI isn't painful, per se, but last time there was a definite pinch when the catheter was inserted through the opening in my cervix which caused instant cramping. According to the info I found, when you time the IUI right (at ovulation) this won't hurt because the cervix will be open. There was no pinch this time, so I think the timing was right on. 

2. The sperm count for our sample was even higher this time around for whatever reason.

3. All of the planets were aligned. Just kidding.

By 9:20 it was all over and D and I were on our way home. Slowly. With me lying down in the back seat. D picked me up several trashy mags on the way as a bribe to stay lying down when we got back to the house. It worked. I have been prone most of day. I even had a margarita - to relax! So I feel confident in saying that I have done everything I could possibly do to help sperm meet egg. The rest is on them. 

*fingers crossed*

♥ N

Take Two

Unfortunately, dear readers, I am not sitting here writing this blog post to you "with-child." D and I found out on the 27th that our first attempt at insemination was a bust. I will be honest with you -- the experience was more disappointing than I was expecting it to be. I thought I was mentally prepared for a negative test result (because, really, what is the likelihood of anyone getting preggers the very first time they try?), but apparently I had let some small sliver of hope slip in there somewhere and I was emotional about it not happening for us.


It was a weird couple of days... On one level, I knew that it was not my fault that conception didn't happen - that I didn't do anything wrong - but it was still my body that had failed us. D says it's not a question of "failing," but that's how it felt, subjectively. I am sure my particular feelings have something to do with my perfectionist, control-freak tendencies and the fact that I hate to fail, at anything, ever. (These are not my most charming qualities, mind you.) Please don't misunderstand: I don't mean to be melodramatic about it not happening this first time. It might not happen many, many more times, at which point, I will allow myself to feel justifiably devastated. I just wanted to share my surprise at how emotionally invested I became so quickly, despite my best intentions.


All of that said, D and I are heading into attempt deux. (I will say, one of the better things about this process is that once you find out whether or not it "worked" you are already halfway to trying again, which is nice.) Yesterday we had an ultrasound to check out the size of my follicles (where the eggs are developing, yo) and the doctor saw one "beautiful" follicle that was ready to go, and one other that could possibly release an egg, though it was a tad small/underdeveloped. The "beautiful" follicle looked something like this big, black splotch:

"Beautiful" Follicle

He gave the go-ahead for my hCG shot to be given to me that night between 9-9:30pm. We weren't expecting that - last month there was a 2-day delay between the ultrasound and when I should receive the shot - and, horror of horrors, D was scheduled to work that night! What to do?!?

Like I said in an earlier post, I am phobic when it comes to needles. Still, it had occurred to me that inflicting a needle on myself might be more tolerable than the anticipation of waiting to feel a needle inserted by someone else... I decided to stop being such a ninny and shoot myself up. I drank a margarita, numbed the site with some icecubes, and, with shaking hands/shaking legs, stuck myself in the thigh. Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad. I was immensely pleased with myself.  

We will be inseminating for the second time tomorrow morning, bright and early. I feel good. This time, instead of going shopping for hours and lifting heavy things, I will be taken directly home after the big event and made to lie down for the next 24 hours. All the while, I will be visualizing this (more than slightly creepy) image:

I just realized that I don't think either D or I have explained the entire process of lesbian baby-makin,' as it is happening for us. Here's the low-down of what happens when you are TTC (trying to conceive) with donor sperm given through an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) while on Clomid.


Day 1: first day of period (full-flow)


Day 3: begin taking Clomid - 1 pill a day for the next 5 days (besides making sure you produce an egg/eggs by ramping up your estrogen levels, Clomid will also ensure that you have a chronic background headache, are dizzy/nauseous, are more irritable than usual, and can cry at the drop of a hat) 


Day 12: head to Dr. for vaginal ultrasound (totally unprepared for that!) - you will be able to check out your baby-makin' parts on the big screen. If you're really lucky, like I am, you will also find fun stuff in there that you weren't expecting, like fibroids.


Day 13, 14, or 15: give yourself, or have someone you really trust give to you, an hCG shot to trigger ovulation (9-9:30pm). 


Day 15, 16, or 17: ovulation occurs 36-40 hours after hCG shot. Head to Dr. at hour 36 to inseminate (9-9:30am).


Wait 14 interminable days. 


Take pregnancy test on the 14th day after insemination. Cry or throw a party or both, depending.


Ta-da! That's the bare-bones of it. Here's a website that helped answer many of D and I's questions if you want more info, like I always do:
http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/iui.html


What's problematic, of course, is that I need to check out infertility sites for the best/most comprehensive info on the procedures I am undergoing and I have to go to an infertility clinic in order to have them done. And yet, I am not infertile - at least, we hope not! - I just don't have access to sperm in the same way my hetero peers do. At the same time, I cannot receive the insurance benefits that could potentially be applied to our medical costs if I had a diagnosed infertility issue. I call bullsh*t. And heterosexual privilege.


That's enough for today! Send us your good vibes at about 9am tomorrow -- 8am for you Chicago folks! And send D some text-message love so she feels extra-virile ;)


♥ N

The time is now! Or more specifically, Friday morning.

I know we have literally hundreds of faithful followers who look religiously on a daily basis to see if we have posted anything new about the baby-makin' process. To all of our fans, I apologize it has taken me so long to update this blog. I know, I know, we left you hanging for so long you were forced to look at stupid people's blogs and tweets like Zac Efron, or Robert Pattinson and Lindsay Lohan. Oh, the horror. But it's fine now! Here's a new blog!

Okay, so realistically, the five people who read this, me and N included, I must say we haven't updated in so long because there has been nothing to update. UNTIL NOW!! Now I have tons! I'm brewing a whole coffee pot to stay up long enough to write all of this out! Prepare yourselves...

The last few weeks have been filled with N reading tons of books about this whole process. I was supposed to, but always found other things to do like play on facebook, almost burn the house down trying to learn how to BBQ, watch a movie, or sell my car for a cheaper monthly payment. Finally, I bought "The Expectant Father" because I was told it would be a good option for either male or female readers who aren't the birth mother or simply the partner of the birth mother. I have to say, it's okay, but also quite interesting how they market books to men. I'm stuck having to look at a "New Yorker" style cartoon every other page designed to "hold your interest!" It's like society is saying it's okay for men to need cartoons to stay involved in the baby-makin' process. Come on, society!! Anyway, I learned a lot by reading what I have read so far and N has learned a ton from her books. We are definitely feeling good and ready for this. We've also allowed ourselves to become emotionally involved and attached to this whole thing happening, so let's hope it works out. Otherwise this could take us years to get over! And quite frankly, I don't want to deal with that! :-)

While waiting, we've also been picking out names we like. How crazy, huh? I know we're getting ahead of ourselves but we simply can't help it. No lie. And speaking of getting ahead of ourselves, I bought a baseball the other day so I can play catch with our future kid! Yeah!

Tonight (Wednesday night) I get to give N a shot that will make her ovulate in 36 hours. Friday morning we go into the doctors office at 9am for the insemination. We have to be at the sperm bank next door at 8am to legally release the sperm over to the doctors office. LX 2017, I hope you're ready! Apparently we will be!

I was told by the doctor that I would be able to be a part of the insemination. I'll be allowed to actually insert the sperm. I'm very, very excited and grateful for this opportunity. I've also been practicing the sound effects I will make as I push the plunger. Something like "ccchhhhhoooooi!" or maybe very simply "cha ching!" or whispering very softly as it goes in "Let's go, little guys! Swim on! Swim well!" Or course this is all in my imagination because if I actually did all of this, N would be so turned off her uterus would literally shut itself off as to prevent her from having a child with someone who talks to sperm.

Oh, did I mention Friday is Friday the 13th? We're hoping this means good things for us rather than bad. We're pretty sure it's an awesome thing though. Literally kick-ass awesome.

So after all of this we have to wait another two weeks until we can do a home pregnancy test to see if LX 2017 really is all he's cracked up to be.

Speaking of LX 2017, we ordered his extended family health history as well as his donor essay. Let's hope N's smarts will be enough to make this baby come out right. He openly admitted to donating sperm to "pay the bills" which is something we all suspected anyway, right? It was for some reason just weird to see it openly admitted! He also claims we will be "more than happy with the results" if we pick his sperm. Let's hope so, you conceited fertile man!

Anyway, wish us luck on the 13th. We know it's slightly far fetched that this will work the first time but we're hoping it will. I will be sure to let you all know what happens. Thanks for reading! I love you all!

- D Scissors